I rarely write on other topics throughout a Bible study series, but there’s something I need to share with you today. I hope you’ll find some hope through this post, because it comes from the deepest, most tender place inside my heart. I have a very strong feeling there are a lot of people who, like me, are struggling. Maybe you’re one of them. If you’re not, maybe you’ll choose to share this with someone who needs it.
I have a lot to say and rarely know how to say any of it. Last week, two women showed up at my door to share their faith, and though my belief system is much different than theirs, I was confused as to how to communicate what I wanted to say. I shied away from a God-given directive to invite them to my table for coffee. As I closed the front door, choosing not to extend an invitation, the Holy Spirit conveyed this thought: “I don’t need you to defend me, Jennifer. I only need you to show I live inside you.” Though there is no condemnation in Christ, I still felt as if I’d failed.
These days, I often feel like a failure. My mind is overrun with thoughts of not writing well enough, speaking well enough, parenting well enough, and the list goes on. I’m living with anger, fear, and good-old-fashioned remorse. I’m not who I was and can’t seem to figure out who I am. I find myself looking at the sky asking, “What is it? What do I need to know, so I can feel like me again?”
I walk around angry inside and no one knows it. I attend functions, and smile for selfies, without allowing a hint of the crumbling happening way down deep to show. I laughingly play with my kids and make my family dinner all the while feeling lifeless inside. I’m not upset with anyone in particular, and I’m not at all faulting God for any of this. It just so happens, like many others, I’m on the battlefield of life. This particular battle might just be the toughest one I’ve ever fought. The struggle to choose joy is real.
However, when I find myself overthinking how I feel, the wind blows…
I’ve been fascinated with wind for several years now. We see the power of it inside storms and feel its gentle breeze when our skin needs cooled. The Hebrew word ruach literally means wind, spirit, or breath. Because of this, every time the trees move I picture the breath of God. All through the Bible we see the significance of the Almighty’s breath. In Him we live, move, and have our being and it’s all because our God breathes.
I’ve been in need of some spiritual resuscitation, and there are three pieces of truth continuing to breathe life inside these weary lungs.
- I don’t have to be enough, because He has always been enough for me.
This can be tough to comprehend, but it is what it is: We weren’t meant to be enough on our own. It’s the mighty power of God that equips, making us conquerors. It’s never about us and always about Him.
- I breathe only because He gave me breath.
We breathe because He allows it. It’s that simple. The most incredible part of this is He knows each one of us, and purposed before time that we would carry His breath in our lungs. Anyone who has ever walked this planet was chosen by the Almighty.
- The one who designed redemption is more than capable to redeem my pain.
In the midst of grief, the only reason my mind is sound is because He makes all things well. Believe me, I look at my situation and question the meaning of redemption. I don’t see it, but I know He redeems everything. I have to trust in His blueprint of restoration regardless of how much I wish I could have drawn the plans. My human condition cannot begin to engineer any worthwhile design at all. Christ alone.
I lost my brother this summer, and with him went part of me. I’m learning how to be an only child. I feel a little lost and a lot confused. I won’t ever be the same, but I must stand up and start shouting hallelujah!
You see, I’m not meant to stay the same on this earth. Comfort cages, cages confine, and as much as I loathe suffering, I don’t want the Spirit of God inside me to be soft, sweet, and content. I want the Spirit of God inside me to be a raging wind. His breath blustering through my lungs is all I want. It’s His life-giving power that transforms, heals, and overflows into other lives. I need to shut down all other feelings. What about you?
Dear friend, regardless of what you’re going through, do not allow horrific change to hinder your growth. Instead, let it propel you forward into the arms of the only One who can give you spiritual CPR and heal you from the inside out.
Do not be contained; be contagious.
- Your hope is in Christ.
- Your life is in Him.
And it all starts with the power of His breath.
And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
-Philippians 4:7 (NIV)
In Greek, the word transcends means to throw over or beyond, to run beyond.
- However you feel today, run beyond it.
- Whatever your circumstances are, run beyond them.
Run into the wind… into the mighty breath of God.