I’m broken.
Believe me when I tell you I did not want to start this article with those two words, but all evidence proves what I hate to admit: my heart is cracked wide open giving glimpses of who I was, who I am now, and who I’m becoming. Pain is spilling everywhere.
I don’t want you to think I cry every single moment of the day, because I don’t. I also don’t want you to think I’ve allowed myself to be defined by the heavy grief trying to consume me, no way. But there is a deep suffering causing me to show myself raw and real. However, while I’m fragile in some areas, I’m gaining strength in others.
As I sat in church Easter morning, my pastor preached a passionate sermon. He talked about the resurrection power of Jesus in everyday life. He said that even though the resurrection happened 2,000 years ago, when we believe in Christ, that same power works in us each and every day. (See Romans 8:11) He asked us to think about where we need resurrection power. For some, marriages need resurrected; for others, finances. It could be in any area, but the point is we have hope because of the resurrection power of Christ.
Listen, it’s not that I didn’t already know this. I’ve been educated in theology, and I believe the Bible to be infallible. I’ve fallen in love with Jesus, and I don’t love Him any less in the face of my family’s death. I know the same power that lives in Christ now lives in me. However, when it comes to my grief and the death of my family… It never occurred to me to ask Jesus to resurrect my broken heart. Heal it, yes. Awaken it from the dead making it breathe life again as if it’s the first time it’s ever beaten… well, I never thought to pray for my heart in those terms.
If I were sitting across the table from you right at this very moment and we were having this conversation face-to-face, you would hear passion in my voice. Why? Because I’m more zealous about the life Jesus gives than I am about anything else. Scripture sets my heart on fire. I’m not joking. God has molded me into who I am today through His Word. The Bible changed my life, and so now I’m going to concentrate on allowing it to change me some more. I’m praying resurrection power through my grief. I’m believing for a brand new heartbeat through the resurrection power of Jesus Christ.
I don’t know what it is you need today. I’m not privy to the ups and downs of your life, but whatever it is, I do know this: the resurrection power of Christ is available for you.
I’m broken for now, but I won’t be forever.
According to Merriam Webster, the first definition of broken is: violently separated into pieces. I’m confident in saying that definition sums up the last nine months of my life, but here’s the good news: Jesus came, He died, He resurrected, and He’s coming back. I miss having a mother, I miss my mother. I’ll never stop missing what it felt like to be her daughter. However, I will survive this misery ONLY because Jesus is alive, and He’s resurrecting my heart right at this very moment.
Have you ever thought about what you need Jesus to resurrect in your life?
If you want to leave a comment or send me a message, I’ll be happy to pray for you. I take praying for you very seriously.
Friend, the broken believer can’t stay broken, because the resurrection power of Christ is alive and well.
Can I get an amen?
Love,
Thanks Jen, I never thought to pray that way either. I always feel for the most part kind of sad, so much has happened in my life I just buried stuff and kept on going. Yes, I will take the time to ask the Lord to heal my heart and reserect (spelling???) it. Have a good week. Love-Susie
I’m going to pray that over you today, Susie! ❤️❤️
God’s blessings rain upon you, Jennifer. I will pray for all of our hearts..I just lost my sister to cancer last month. It.s doubly hard because I cared for her here at my home. God is always so good. I mean, they belong to God anyway, and its selfish of us to want them back, but we are only human, and our hearts are broken….I read a wonderful analogy not long ago..a man got to heaven and all the people were sitting each with an angel sewing the squares of their lives into a blanket. He looked around and everyone’s blanket was beautiful, with all kinds of colors, and his was so full of shabby holes as his angel quietly sewed. The man held his head down in shame when it came his turn to stand and hold his blanket to the light…but as he did, the light coming through all those ragged tears was the beautiful face of Jesus, and there Jesus stood before him and said “the holes u see in your life blanket are all the times you stepped aside and allowed me to handle things in your life for you, as you allowed me to shine thru you. Welcome Home.
I’m so sorry for your loss, Denise. What a beautiful analogy you shared! This road isn’t easy, but Jesus is faithful. Thank you for sharing today. ❤️
I appreciate your honesty more than you could know- and I understand- for different reasons, but I really do ❤️Thanks for the hope.
I believe you do understand, Amy. Thank you. ❤️
Amen,Amen and Amen!! The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and He is alive and well and more than able to create a new heart in us.David said create in me a clean heart and renew a right spirit in me. That’s God’s desire for each of us.He is the Healer of the broken heart.and He is faithful to His word. You are a testimony to what God can and will do. Thank you my courageous sister.
Thank you, Carol. ❤️
Jen,
Thanks for that post!
I think you would be really blessed by this sermon:
https://www.desiringgod.org/messages/this-illness-is-for-the-glory-of-god
Dave
Thank you! I’ll listen to it for sure!
Amen! Do you know the hymn: He’s changing me….from this life to the heavenly…… ? (my paraphrase 🙂 One of my favorites. BTW: my husband got me 2 books….that are helping me with my depression. They are by Pastor David Murray: 1. Christians Get Depressed Too and 2. The Happy Christian. We recommend them! (Also, I am talking with my Pastor….which is helpful. And….for some of your readers…they may be interested in Christian Biblical Counselling Institute at the Reformed Presbyterian Theological Seminary on Penn Ave in Point Breeze. Dr. Scippioni is the head of it…..and it was very very helpful!
Thanks for the recommendations, Linda! I’m so glad it’s helping you!