One hundred eleven days…

I ate ice cream.  I confess, and I’m not sorry… well, at least not until tomorrow morning when the scale decides to be mean to me.  It’s always the scale’s fault, never mine ;).  A few months ago I went through a period of time when I felt like I was doing everything right and still couldn’t budge a pound.  I was so upset about it I called my doctor and insisted she check my thyroid function.  It’s pure desperation when you have veins as stubborn as mine and still insist to have your blood drawn!  The results were normal.  I realize this is a good thing, but when she was explaining my lab work she commented, “Well, you are almost 40.”  Wait, what?  I felt like the words were out there floating around in midair waiting for me to swallow and digest them, but I couldn’t!  Someone actually pulled the “40 card” on me, and in the process ignited a “freak out” flame inside that has yet to be extinguished.  I’m almost 40.  I really am, and I better get used to hearing it, writing it, and then who knows?  Maybe someday I’ll even be able to say it out loud.  I don’t think it’s cause for alarm, but you should know my heart rate is a little elevated right now…

The sad reality is sometimes we do everything we are supposed to do, and things still do not work out.  My description of dieting is a superficial example of this, but it is meant to punctuate my point.  When I was living the nightmare of infertility, miscarriage, and stillbirth, I would beg God to show me what to do next.  There was no burning bush or audible voice calling down from heaven.  Believe me when I tell you I prayed for those things to happen, but they didn’t.  I had no choice but to continue praying and waiting.  I love the song, “While I’m Waiting” by John Waller.  He sings, “I will serve You while I’m waiting,” and he goes on to mention obedience.

As a Christian, when suffering despair, our best option is ALWAYS obedience.  There were moments I learned this the hard way.  I know we might want to change our circumstances, whatever they may be, but the truth is sometimes we can’t.  If we could, we would have all we prayed for immediately and no reason to lean hard on the Father.  You must press in, so you can press on.  We need to learn to do what God expects of us even when we don’t feel like it.  I have known far too many beautiful people that didn’t have their prayers answered the way they wanted, and in turn walked away from Christ.  I’ve seen suffering and have suffered dearly myself while waiting for God to use a situation for good.  The road isn’t easy, but God is good.  He WILL work in your life.  It will most likely be through unexpected turns of events and gentle whispers to your soul, but joy will come.  Press in, and press on…

Alright, one more confession…  It was actually a pumpkin roll sundae:  a piece of scrumptious pumpkin roll topped with pumpkin ice cream, whipped cream, and a cherry.  Nope, I’m still not sorry, but then again, it is still today.