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I try to wake up each morning and ask what God wants me to learn, or do for Him, that day. If you read the blog last week you know there was a death in my family. Once again, I became aware of how hard it is to ask God what He wants me to learn through grief. It is incredibly difficult to want to do anything but cry and even get a little angry that my world looks different, emptier, and a little lonely. Death is the hardest part of life…
I spend many of my days writing encouragement to you from the perspective of a woman who has battled grief through pregnancy loss and infertility. And here I am again… It looks a little different this time, but it is grief none the less. This road of life tends to include one hurdle after the next. I’m not saying I don’t have a happy life, because I do. I’m still thankful and joy-filled because of my relationship with Jesus and the gifts with which He has blessed me, but that isn’t to say every day is a piece of cake. Sometimes, we are force fed the fat free, low calorie, cardboard, garbage!
I’m facing an incredibly busy week. I’m the director of the Vacation Bible School for my church, which happens to be occurring every evening this week. My daughter is in a wedding this coming weekend, and I’m preparing for my family to leave on vacation late next week. (We are taking a road trip from Pennsylvania to California with four year old twins. I will be blogging about it. I’m thinking it’s going to be like therapy for me! The blogging not the road trip.) Life doesn’t stop for the grieving process, but God does work, teach, and encourage throughout a busy life.
I’ve had moments of feeling a little annoyed that God allowed our family to face such a loss, but I won’t allow those feelings to win. I’m trusting, walking, believing, and pressing on toward the prize. What else can I do? To do anything else would be wrong and separate me from the true love of Christ. I don’t want that. Even when the ground is shaky, I’m safe in His presence and that is exactly where I want to stay.
Philippians 3:13-15
Brethren, I do not count myself to have apprehended; but one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those things which are ahead, I press toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus. Therefore let us, as many as are mature, have this mind; and if in anything you think otherwise, God will reveal even this to you. (N.K.J.V.)
I don’t know what you are facing today, but I want to encourage you to keep on keeping on. We have a hope that is sure. We must continue to press on while serving Christ and living for the day we will see those who have gone before us again. It will be a beautiful reunion. And in the meantime, it’s a privilege to serve those around me. I’m staying focused on Kingdom work.
How are you staying focused?
I’m so sorry for your loss, and for the rough road you’ve been walking. We are in a continual season of hardship. I have to continue to fight the good fight of faith, despite my circumstances. Praying God gives you His strength and grace this week!
Thank you, Barbie. I just said a prayer for you also. May you continue to fight your fight with peace and unexplainable joy surrounding you.
So sorry for your loss. Grief in the midst of being overwhelmed is completely different than when it is the only “big” thing going on. May you have peace and endurance to not just survive, but enjoy the upcoming weeks. I have a feeling your keyboard will indeed be therapeutic. Blessing and many thanks from a VBS mom this week!
Thank you, Amy. I hope your VBS is wonderful and full of the joy of the Lord in the hearts of all involved!
A verse God gave me this morning was 2Cor 1:9. Sometimes it feels like we’ve been given the kiss of death (a little dramatic, but I think we women can relate!). Ultimately God wants us to rely on Him, who raises the dead!
So then comes the question, do we truly believe God raises the dead TODAY, not just in the bible times? Do I believe God would do it for me? Why or why not?
Jen, your openness, continued pressing in and relying on God despite the pain pleases God SOOOO much! You are a great example of a godly woman!
Thank you, Becky! And thank you for sharing that verse.
I understand the sowing in tears. Sometimes I do wonder when and how his plan will come together but He reminded me again this morning of Jeremiah 29:11. Saying a prayer for you sweet sister.
Thank you, Kimberly:).
I read your post about listening and thought I would check back in to see how you are doing. Staying focused on the Lord and the work He has set before you takes courage in such grief. Blessings to you during this busy time. Enjoy your trip! You are heading out my way. I look forward to hearing about it. We LOVE road trip around here. Love, Rachael @ Inking the Heart