Yesterday, I published a post titled, When Christian Advice Makes You Sick. I spoke of how our souls need encouragement from others, even when it feels like we are being given a bunch of Christian cliches to bind our wounds. I mentioned that during my 15 year battle Jesus cultivated dreams deep inside me that I didn’t know existed.

Do you have a dream that has been motivated from previous difficulty?

I didn’t grow up writing. In my late teens I developed a love of reading and by the time I hit my mid 20s it was rare to see me without a book in hand. By the time I reached 30 God began a crazy work in my heart. I wasn’t writing yet but new life was forming somewhere deep inside.

On the inside I was broken. On the outside I held it together. I would sing from the depths of my soul on the church worship team while raising my hands in complete surrender. I meant it. I knew deep down I had to surrender to Him. There was no other way. For me, surrender was a desperate act. And shouldn’t it be for all of us?

Desperate for more of a God who can do ALL things…

Desperate for holy comfort so it becomes possible to be wholly (even holy) filled…

Desperate to see what He wants me to see instead of what my sin nature causes me to see…

Yes, Lord. I’m desperate.

It was in my deepest moments of desperation when God came in and spoke restoration. (Tweet that.)

You see, from the moment He gave me life, He was desperate for my act of surrender to Him. And, sadly, I was desperate for what He could do for me, not so much for Him as my God.

Wow, it hurts writing those words. It hurts to be that honest and raw. It’s with a repentant and humble heart I write them.

Within my pain and smack dab in the middle of my desperate heart He gave me words to write. He opened His hand and told me to begin fresh. So here I am.

If you want to know who Jennifer Kostick is I will tell you right now. I’m a sinner saved by grace. A wounded soul who cries joy because I’ve encountered Christ through suffering in a way I probably wouldn’t have encountered Him otherwise. I’m desperate for Him because He was first desperate for me. I love Him because He first loved me.

And shouldn’t it be the other way around?

God, my GOD, our GOD on the throne deserves so much more than we can ever give and all He really wants is our desperate hearts to become desperate for who He is.

He will work through us – give us beautiful gifts to serve – and take our wounds and make them like wine to pour out as a sacrifice of praise.

You might be reading and wondering what you have to offer to this world. I will tell you that you are created by a God who has a purpose for you. You have so much to give.

But first, you must become desperate my dear friends.

Let your heart be His…

Love,

Jennifer