This morning I decided there were too many distractions at my house to write, so I jumped in my minivan and headed to Panera Bread to curb my distractions. On the way, while listening to the modern hymn version of “It Is Well” I was pulled over for speeding. I cannot confidently say that all is well with me right now.

I have to tell you, I’m not used to being pulled over by police. That is my wonderful husband’s domain. He is the ticket payer in our family. So, when I first saw the lights, I almost didn’t pull over. The officer surely couldn’t have meant to catch little ol’ me!

I was wrong…

Apparently, I was going 55 mph in a 40 mph zone. I guess that blasting “All Is Well” by Bethel Music propels me to put petal to the medal and fly. When he asked why I was in such a hurry, I kindly answered, “No reason.” I mean what was I supposed to tell him? “Well, officer, I’m off to write a Christian blog post and had to break the law to do it. By the way, Can I take a selfie of us to help spur further blog traffic through Pinterest?” Yeah, I don’t think that would have went over.

But something else is bothering me… I’ve watched countless TV shows where women flirt to get out of tickets. I have friends who have claimed to have only received warnings as a benefit of their feminine mystique. And I, too, remember being pulled over once in my 20s and again in my 30s only to have been smiled at, flirted with, and let go. Now I’m in my 40s. People, it’s not working for me anymore.

I didn’t flirt with the officers in the past. It’s not my personality. I’m shy and immediately begin praying when I see flashing lights. I’m a fraidy cat! But today, I realized that I’m no longer “miss” to these male officers, I’m “mam.” Let’s allow that to speak for itself…

The officer today could not have been older than age 21. I’m certain that to him I looked like the crypt keeper. I wish I could tell you that the ticket is what upset me, but I guess I’m so vain and want the song to be about me, because I’m all of a sudden struck hard with the fact that everyone around me is getting younger. I’m just the “mam” with a $137.00 fine to pay.

However, the more I think about it, just over a year ago, I had an older officer pull me over on my way home from South Carolina. After asking for my license and registration he said, “Mrs. Kostick, I see you are from Pennsylvania.” “Yes, I am.” “Do they have speed limits in Pennsylvania, Mrs. Kostick?” Oh for crying out loud!

I’m sure that if I dig deep I can write this with a spin and pull out a great spiritual analogy that will make us all feel better. But right now, all I can think about is how I shouldn’t be too quick to say no to Botox and Oreos.

I’m just teasing… maybe.

So, the moral of the story is…

Ladies, although our outside beauty doesn’t make us who we are, it does help to get us out of speeding tickets! So, if you are young and fresh-faced, enjoy it while it lasts. If you are not quite so young anymore, then slow down or consider expanding the budget amount you spend on facial products…

Love,

Jennifer (a.k.a , your not so young friend who has $137.00 less to spend on shoes.)