In this fast-paced world, we are unaccustomed to silence. Everything about our lives seem loud. Living inside a society that applauds “keeping up with the Jones'” has deemed it that way. We work hard at climbing the mountains to achieve what we want out of life. In fact, We work so hard that we can’t even turn our heads to see the beauty inside of where we are right now. We just keep struggling to move forward. We have our bucket lists and we expect to check every dream off as fast as possible.
For many of us, the only silence we understand is the silent tears that fall against our pillows at night. We don’t want to talk about our struggles, because we might be judged or pitied in some way. God forbid anyone know our real stories…
Since when does being broken mean we aren’t blessed? (Tweet that)
When I was trying to become pregnant, and enduring loss after loss, people who didn’t know our situation would ask if we were going to try to have another child. I would often lie and say that I didn’t want to go through waking up at all hours of the night again. I would give a speech on how I was content with my life. Deep down I was struggling to survive. For a very long time I stayed silent.
Sometimes, if someone else was enduring loss, I would decide to discuss my grief. But I would usually share on how I overcame it. In truth, I hadn’t yet overcome anything. For some reason, I was afraid to say that I wasn’t healed, because I felt it made me seem weak. I needed to be strong, and I didn’t want anyone feeling sorry for me.
At the time, I didn’t understand that telling the truth of my story would have made me stronger. After a certain number of years, the silence actually began to weaken me.
I’m concerned too many of us are hiding our stories. And let me just say that your journey doesn’t have to be one of pregnancy loss for us to identify with each other. The hand of grief touches us all in some way.
In this world of blogging there are many days I want to scream, “Just be who you are! Stop hiding the you that God created!” Since I joined the masses of writers, I’ve watched, online, the personalities of women transform. The emulation of success is burying women. They are forgetting who God called them to be and have started on a quest to be like the blogger who received the book deal. (And by the way, I’m including myself in that category. I fight comparison every single day!)
What is so bothersome to me is that these women all have incredible stories that shine just as bright as the writer with thousands of subscribers. When you try to be like someone else, it becomes inevitable that your story will run like paint down a canvas blending into theirs. Your beautiful bright colors will be muted.
We must learn to paint our own pictures… (Tweet that)
And it’s not just in the blogging world; it’s every world. It seems to be the way of women. From the way we look, to our occupations, all the way to how our spouses and children are faring. We are facing an epidemic. It’s one of silencing the bad and Instagramming the great – we tend to silence our conditions to repress the shame. We only show what we think are the best moments.
I need to tell you something… Even if it doesn’t feel like it, all your moments are “the best moments” because you have an opportunity to hand each one to God and let Him work inside your situation. All those moments paint a glorious picture. It tells your story and frees your soul!
People don’t usually want to discuss the pain in life. They mask it. Now, I’m not saying that all situations should be broadcasted online or discussed on a large forum, but what I am saying is that’s it’s okay to admit we have struggles.
Somehow, we find ourselves wrapped up in the idea that if something bad happens to us, then we must have done something to cause it. That way of thinking is simply untrue.
I’ve been running a survey about pregnancy loss. It is research to help an upcoming book club project for Nothing to Hold but Hope. The goal is to start the process of healing by breaking the silence.
In the survey, I have a question that asks: Did you ever feel shame or guilt after losing your baby even though you did nothing to cause it? So far, more than 80% of women answered yes, and I think as more women take the survey that number is going to climb.
We all seem to feel shame over what we cannot control, and that shame causes us to hide our feelings and silence our stories. We dream of being anyone but who Christ designed us to be. It’s time to be who we were created to be and do what we were created to do.
I’m compiling some AMAZING stories of women who are ready to communicate them for the first time. I can’t wait to share them with you. If you are interested in taking part in this and breaking the silence of pregnancy loss, please fill out the survey, and I will contact you. (If you aren’t’ ready to share, but want to help with the research process, you can take the survey and remain anonymous.)
Friends, you have new mercy today. Allow it to cover your shame and pull you outside the silence that might be holding you back. Be you. You have worth because Christ is worthy!
We might be broken, but WE ARE BLESSED! (Tweet that to encourage someone!)
PS: To prep for the book club, if you want to purchase Nothing to Hold but Hope, there will be a sale on the Kindle version over Thanksgiving weekend! Stay tuned…