Study Overview: This week, we discuss why we need to refocus our vision, and I tell you a little about my current trials.
Key Point of Struggle: Why do we work so hard to hide our brokenness?
Key Proof of Comfort: There is comfort in recognizing we aren’t’ alone. (Psalm 23:4)
Part of striving for holiness is learning to, in faith, accept healing. I’m not necessarily speaking of physical healing from disease, although that is also important. I’m actually talking about healing from brokenness. And, that doesn’t include hiding it away and trying to function as if it doesn’t exist. Do you want to know something about me? Hiding my brokenness is a major problem for me. I don’t want people to see my pain up close, because then maybe someone will label me. God knows I already struggle with placing labels on myself. I had a friend tell me the other night, while discussing some bottled up issues which have decided to rise to the surface, “You don’t have to bind yourself to that.” She’s so right.
The truth is I’m not doing myself any favors by staying quiet in fear that someone might treat me differently, or perhaps see my ministry differently. I can’t seem to pray away the grief continuing to hover like a black cloud over my head, and I worry I’ll be faulted for it. Here’s the thing: I’m broken. And, here’s the best part about being broken: I’m completely and utterly dependent on Jesus because of it.
Holiness forces refocus. It’s stubborn like that. I told you we were going to talk through some “R words” throughout this short study. We began with repentance, moved on to revelation, and this week, we define refocus. The reason we need to refocus is because we can repent with a pure heart before our Father God, but we also need to learn to forgive ourselves in the process. We need revelation that shouts it’s not all about us and all about Jesus, living every breath for Him. However, it doesn’t take much beating down in this world before we have to refocus. Our journey of holiness depends on it. Why? Because the enemy wants nothing but to wash our eyes from the revelation we’ve received, manipulating us into thinking cloudy, sick thoughts about who we are and what we were created to do here.
The truth is the holidays are upon us, and for me it’s hard. I live with grief that feels like a wet blanket over top of me, and I miss my brother so much it’s as if I can feel my heart cracking a little more with each new day. Also, there’s guilt. Guilt charges me a super high price, because I look at the amazing qualities of whom and what makes up my life, and realize I have so much for which to be thankful. That’s when everything feels worse, and I become stuck in a cycle of regret. Oh, friend, take it from me and monitor closely if your feelings are truthful. In the toughest times, they usually seep lies from the pit.
Last week, for the first time in the five years I’ve been writing here, I thought about shutting down this blog and burning my book. I’m battling. However, there is brilliance to battling brokenness. When done from a perspective of accepting healing inside faith, unlike the cycle of condemnation and regret, it leads us through the cycle of holiness. It makes it possible to repent, awaken to revelation, and readjust focus.
I also want to say that though God is constantly giving new revelations, He doesn’t want us to forget what He’s already revealed. I’m holding on to revelations and promises from times past. When He gives me something new, praise Him. Until then, praise Him anyway.
The journey to holiness isn’t brightly lit with angels singing on the sidelines. We create that fantasy in our heads and then become frustrated when it’s not our experience. The journey to holiness is a cracked road, with a dim light, beckoning us forward until we finally meet the brightest Light we will ever find.
If you’re dreading the holidays, and if life is harder than you ever thought possible, hold on to the Holy One with an open heart and mind. The road He might lead you on might be broken, but it leads to treasure. I believe. Do you?
Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil; for You are with me; Your Rod and Your Staff, they comfort me.
-Psalm 23:4
He never said we wouldn’t walk through dark places, but He did say He would be with us while there. Holiness lives in the valley of the shadow…
Love,
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