Twenty-two days…

This morning, I was watching a show where they were spotlighting extravagant dream homes.  In one of the segments they were interviewing the owner from a home they had just shown.  The man said, “I’ve been very lucky.  I’m just a kid from the South Side of Chicago.”  Right away, I thought it was interesting he identified himself as a kid.  He was probably in his mid to late 60s.

I once had a conversation with a woman in her 70s who told me she felt the same inside her mind and body as when she was young.  It was only when she looked in the mirror, or felt those annoying daily aches and pains, that she was reminded her outward appearance was not nearly the same as it had been in her youth.

I think for me, the reason it is taking such a long time to embrace aging, is because I feel the same inside as when I was a kid.  I am not quite ready to allow time to change how others view me.  My 20s were spent living through emotional trauma that hindered some of the enjoyment of what youth is supposed to represent.  I guess I feel a need to make up for lost time.

Miscarriage, stillbirth, and infertility stole my 20s.  The worst part is that I allowed it to rob the joy of my youth.  I managed pain with food and an emptying out of tears that continued to flow for more than a decade.  I’ve since come to grips with all of it.  I can’t wait to share how and why.  That will happen soon.  Until then, I want to say that no matter how much I joke about turning 40, I am thankful to be arriving at the big number happy, healthy, and whole.

I am truly going to kick up my heels and enjoy the celebration surrounding this black-clouded birthday.  That might call for a brand new pair of heels! I also might spoil myself with a pair of jeans I have my eye on at Free People.  However, nothing there is even close to free, people!  If you are having a big birthday soon, or any birthday at all for that matter, celebrate!  Be thankful for your life.  God created you, and that makes your life worth more than you can ever imagine.