I must confess… I have a million tasks to accomplish and am doing none of them. I feel like I have a weight holding me down. I think it probably has something to do with two little four-year-old people who think waking me up multiple times in a night is entertaining. I had a good run of sleep for quite some time and then last August, after putting them in their new “big kid beds,” everything changed. They stopped sleeping through the night. Why, God, why?!?!
Lack of sleep has finally caught up with me. For the love of all that is holy, I want to sleep! And I want to eat chocolate and gain zero pounds regardless of the amount I consume, because I deserve a reward! I. Am. Desperate.
Today, I’m considering the words Melanie Shankle wrote in her book Sparkly Green Earrings, “There were many nights I sat in that guest bed holding Caroline and concocting a plan to run away to the nearest Westin for just a few days. Why the Westin? Because I knew they had those heavenly beds. That’s all I wanted in life. A heavenly bed in a quiet, baby-free hotel room.” Amen, Melanie, Amen!
There was a time when I suffered severe depression and anxiety over infertility and pregnancy loss. God finally set me free, and I will be eternally grateful for my miracle. However, I never thought the pitter-patter of little feet, which I prayed for all those years, would turn in to a sound when heard in the middle of the night, would cause me to beg God for mercy.
This too shall pass, right? If not, I’m going to find the nearest Westin and check-in. Or at least dream about it. (Of course I will be daydreaming… since I don’t sleep the conventional way.)
When I had my first son more than 20 years ago, I was young, energetic, and there was only 1 of him. I was able to roll with the punches. (Those were the days. No wrinkles, no puffy bags, no arm fat… I digress.)
Please don’t take me the wrong way. These two beautiful little creatures are worth every kick in the head, elbow in the back, and sore muscle I am facing. God took my tears of pain and turned them to tears of joy. He poured out sweet love and renewed faith all over my heart through the lives of these long-awaited miracles. (These wonderful, amazing, can live on hardly any sleep and torture their parents with their crazy amount of energy, miracles.)
I know I usually write spiritual encouragement, but since I’m a little sleep deprived I needed a day to vent. I guess the positive to all this is that my sleep wrinkles won’t be so prominent. Only the giant bags under my eyes will reveal my 40 years. Oh my word!
Can any other mamas relate? If so, leave a comment and I’ll make sure to say a prayer for you. God knows I’m doing a lot of middle of the night praying these days…