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I’m sitting here wondering what to write. As I look out the window I see my husband happily playing with our children. Some parents are looking through rubble to find theirs tonight. My heart hurts for the ones who feel forgotten. Who is this God of mercy? Where is He in the storm?

The children who perished in the Sandy Hook shooting… Where was He then? I’m sitting in my comfy leather chair sipping coffee. My greatest worry right now is what the scale might say tomorrow morning. It’s shameful. I feel guilty, guilty that I don’t want to suffer anymore grief, guilty that I don’t want to be in their shoes. And I’m ashamed for feeling this way. I’m Saddened to admit it.

I want to bear burdens. I can and will cry for those who suffer. I will shout to God and beg for His goodness to show itself. I don’t understand Him, but I know He is near. Sweet Jesus, why so much suffering? I’ve asked Him that question a million times or more in this short life of mine. He says, “Pray.” So I am. I’m praying hard and long. I’m lifting my voice to the heavens and asking comfort for those who need it. When I’m done here, I will sit at my piano and allow praise to leave my lips while I saturate the keyboard with tears.

Psalm 10:1

Why do You stand afar off, O Lord? Why do You hide Yourself in times of trouble?

David was transparent with God. He was a man after God’s own heart. He knew he couldn’t hide his feelings from the Almighty. What would be the point? No one can hide anything from Him. Darkness tries to hide and cannot. He knows all and is All. David asked questions, but in the midst of the questions, David trusted God.

My conclusion is this…

Every time I suffer and learn of horrific anguish and hurt in this world, I think of my Savior suffering for me. I think of His perfection and the injustice He faced to save my undeserving soul despite His sinless life. I think of a Father Who watched His only Son beaten and hammered to a cross. I think of the tears He must have shed as He traded the life of His Beloved for those He wished to call His beloved. If only we would choose Him…

Our God knows suffering. He is near to the brokenhearted. He will bind their wounds. I don’t always understand why or how, but I know He is Faithful. I know He is Just. I know He is Truth. And because I know, I will continue to believe…

2 Corinthians 1:3

Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort.

Pray for Oklahoma…

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