Today, I moved the furniture out of the way to scrub baseboards and walls. I picked up toys, wiped away little fingerprints, and wished for the power to wiggle my nose and have the satisfaction of every room in my house spotless without much effort.
It didn’t happen but the family room is clean.
I look at toys strewn across the floor along with the growing mountain of laundry, and at first glance, I want to take a garbage bag and just start throwing away all the clutter. But I can’t.
My clutter cries joy.
It’s the chaos for which I waited, prayed, hoped and dreamed.
My clutter cries restoration.
Sometimes, I think a woman who has suffered years of infertility, miscarriage, and stillbirth has an even greater struggle with mommy guilt. I had a much longer time than most to prepare for this. I often think to myself, “God gave me exactly what I prayed for and this is the way I’m handling it? This is how I’m keeping my home?”
It’s not how I thought it would be.
I’m not who I thought I would be.
I thought I would be June cleaver. Seriously.
I expected to be so joy-filled from having not only one baby, but two (at the same time, mind you.) that the long awaited joy would fuel more energy. I thought my weary days were behind. They are not.
But here’s the thing: my clutter is a reminder of hope.
The toys and fingerprints, that are everywhere from the front door to the back, are reminders of answered prayers and love. They are proof of the sure hope that exists in my life.
My God. My savior. My Redeemer. My Friend. My only Hope!
The bottom line is this…
If we love well with a thankful heart and praise-filled attitude… joy will come.
Joy will come even in the middle of chaos and clutter.
Joy will be the curly headed little person who spills their chocolate milk.
Joy will be the blue lip marks on your face from a big kiss after a raspberry icy.
Joy will be the pulling of your hair as she plays salon.
Joy will be in the crumbs on the couch.
Joy will be everything you thought it would be… only different.
Love,
Jennifer
The story you shared was beautiful. Your writing brought out just a tiny bit of the Lords gift, Gracie and Sam. I can’t wait to come back to my home town and see you all.
Can’t wait to see you also, Levi!
“My clutter is a reminder of hope.” Oh this is beautiful. Thank you so much for sharing.
Thanks, Barbie!
Dear Jennifer
Oh, in my case when mine was teenagers my great JOY!! consisted of surfboards, flippers and wet towels lying all over the kitchen counter! How I miss that.
Hugs XX
Mia
Hi Mia. I also have a 20 year old, so I understand all of that too. I miss it also!
Yes. This is JOY. We waited a long time for our little girl, and I often struggle with mommy guilt, especially when I have impatient moments or don’t cherish a certain situation like I should. (Read: a lovely picture colored on our hardwood floor…) 😉 And the clutter…the truth is that there are always princesses on the floor, puzzle pieces scattered throughout the playroom, and stacks of books in every corner of the room. Yes, I trip over it all…and I wouldn’t change it a bit. Thanks for the reminder of the JOY that comes from living well with our kiddos. Because they bring so much of it! Blessings, friend…happy Tuesday to you!
I know exactly what you mean, Mel. Tripping over toys and artwork in all places can seem overwhelming, but there is joy in it! Have a great day!
Yes! This is awesome…so beautiful. Thank you for the reminder that joy will come.
Thank you, Rachel!
Amazing words that speak so much to my heart. Thank you so much for sharing 🙂
Thank you for reading, Kimberly!
Oh I love this —> Joy will be everything you thought it would be… only different —> this is so beautiful. Thank you for the reminder friend as I’m elbow deep (literally) in freezer fresh food for my family for the winter months and feeling a little grumbly about it… a good reminder that He has promised and He is faithful.
Beautiful I know this feeling all to well, thank you for your words!
Oh my gosh, this was for me. I think it was only a couple of days ago that I SOBBED at my poor husband about how I’m not the mommy I wanted to be – waited so long to be. I was going to do it all too – clean and beautiful home, happy wife with a happy baby, healthy meals (oh, AND work full-time because we can’t afford otherwise).
I’ve been coming to terms with not being Super Woman, but this completes it. Not only is the mess okay, it’s a reminder that what I prayed four years for is here. Even when he screams at me. 😉 Thank you.
I’m so glad you enjoyed the post. We can’t be perfect, but God doesn’t expect us to be. He just wants us to do our best, love Him and others with all our hearts, and live with a thankful heart. Congratulations on your miracle baby! God bless you!
“My clutter is a reminder of hope.” Such a beautiful reminder for me when I look around and begin to compare.
Oh we are no different than the Israelites, irritated after being blessed, seeing only the annoyances instead of the miracles. So glad that He’s speaking to your heart and that you’re sharing His message with all of us. While I don’t personally know your struggle, I know the sin of taking things for granted, glossing over the simple joys in my life. Thank you for this, Jennifer 🙂 Always love linking up with you!!!