We all know that grief is a process. Some days will be more difficult than others. And that means, on those difficult days, we need to be willing to fight even harder. We can’t give up.
Yesterday was one of those difficult days for me. I did two things in an attempt to make it through my day.
- I went for a run.
Now, for you to fully appreciate what going for a run meant for me, you need to know that I have not been exercising for quite some time, and even though I’ve tried running in the past, I am not a runner. In fact I’ve put on about 20 pounds over the last year, and I am nowhere close to being in shape enough to run. Let me just pause here to say, “OUCH!”
I asked my oldest son to watch the twins so that I could go for a walk. It was the strangest thing, as soon as I reached the bottom of the driveway and my feet hit the street, I just started running. I ran and ran. When I told my husband what I did he immediately brought me an Aleve. I said, “I don’t need this.” He answered, “Jen, you ran today, which means you might not be walking tomorrow.” Oh how I love him. He knows me well.
The point in all this is that I needed a release and sometimes in the midst of grief, just moving will bring a sense of hope. We need to remind ourselves that we are still alive in the midst of all that seems dead. (Click to Tweet.)
- I read some of my writing.
Last winter, I began working on a new book. When summer came I decided to take a break and wait until fall to finish it. With everything going on with my current book, Nothing to Hold but Hope, I needed to work on promotion rather than writing something new.
However, I decided that yesterday I would reread what I had written and begin working on the new book again. I thought it would be a good diversion from my grief. Within the pages of the draft, I found this…
“So I surrender. My pompoms resemble torn and tattered white flags covered with the mascara from my tears as I tell Him I want what He wants for me. And if that means some pain, and even some scars, I’m willing. I want to grow, as long as it means growing in Him.
I’m okay with being stretched, because when I wave the white flags of surrender He waves a banner of love over me from on high. And when I put it in those terms and take on a new perception of growth, it all seems worth it.
It’s worth it because I’ve seen the fruit He produces. It is the best and it’s nothing this world can offer. And let’s not forget, we have more influence that we think. People will watch us struggle through the difficulties and eventually see the work Christ is doing in our lives. Our growth will become a through process that He will use to change others.
My prayer today: God, I’m willing to accept the plan you have to work through me. Help me be obedient to you throughout the process of growth. Let my life be used to touch others. And help me to be happy about it… (Hey, I’m just being honest.)
And everyone who is feeling the growing pains shouts, ‘Amen!’”
It’s amazing how God can speak to a situation even before it happens. What I was referring to when I wrote the previous excerpt was completely different from the grief I’m working through today, and yet, God knew and shared a nugget of wisdom with me. He knew I would need to read those words.
To be honest, I’m not really sure how much better today is compared to yesterday. All I can say for sure is that regardless of how I feel, or what my circumstances are, I trust God.
- I trust He has a plan.
- I trust this process will cause growth.
- I choose to trust Him. It’s a choice.
I pray that you choose to trust Him regardless of where you are or what you’re facing.
Have a blessed weekend.